Batman vs shark

Actual picture of Batman

Bruce Wayne is a weird rich guy who likes to dress up as a bat to beat up criminals on the streets of Gotham. As such, he calls himself the "Batman" (whatever that means), gaining much fear from the innocent burglars who just want to make a buck.


Early Life

One dark and stormy night, Bruce Wayne and his parents went to a theater to watch some weird show about Bats. However, because Bruce was a cry-baby, he told his parents that he was scared and wanted to leave the theater.

His parents, being complete numb-skulls, went through the back entrance for absolutely no reason. As such, they were confronted by some burglar named Joe Chill, who coolly asked for some cash from the grossly-rich Waynes. However, Thomas Wayne, Bruce's dad, said no deal, and pressed the button to submit his answer said that they just wanted to go home.

That was when Chill decided that enough was enough and strait up murdered Bruce's dad. Then he decided that he might as well go overboard and kill Bruce's mother, Martha, as well. But for some reason, he decided not to kill the kid, forever cursing man kind with a psychopath that would go into the streets and beat people up.

Becoming the Batman (why is there no hyphen in there?)

Eventually, Bruce Wayne grew up (finally) under the watchful eyes of his butler, Alfred. However, he was so traumatized by what happened many years ago (what was that again? I can't remember) that he decided he needed to take vengeance on the poor and needy burglars to bring justice to the city of Gotham.

That was when he went all over the world, training in martial arts that he's never use again in the future. (What a major waste of time!) Wanting a costume so he wouldn't have to face the consequences for what he did, he decided to call himself the Batman.

Pheonix Wright

What Batman should be doing instead of mugging thugs.

On day one of his crime fighting scheme, he came across some guys who had hand fulls of cash. He mugged them and threw them against the wall when he was done. However, he soon learned that those men just came from the bank to earn their paycheck. Therefore, he escaped, hoping on not being seen for this error.

Batman grew more and more into infamy as he went around the streets of Gotham assalting innocent thugs, and during the day controlling Wayne Tech, his own company. (This guy has a company? Why doesn't he just sue every criminal in Gotham and use his detective skills to make definitive evidence? Pheonix Wright can do it.)

The Jokar

Another innocent victim of Batman's Reign of Terror.

That was when he came across some odd criminal wearing a fish bowl and red cape going toward Ace Chemicals. Tracking down the thug, he eventually fought the guy in a highly-dangerous chemical room. Eventually, the Thug tripped because he couldn't see in the first place, falling into a vat of chemicals. Eventually, as he emerged, he came out looking like a clown. However, instead of deciding to work at a circus, he became the villainous Joker.

Batman went onto fighting other weirdly-dressed villains, like the Penguin, The obnoxious Riddler, Catwoman, Poison Ivy, and many more which he created. This led Gotham's police to start depending on Batman, despite how evil and malicious he was, and turn to him for their toughest cases (including a robbery committed by a poor, colorblind folk named Crazy Quilt). Batman even got the trust of Commissioner Gordon, the head of police.

The Dark Knight

As this was happening, someone took the job Bruce Wayne should've taken and became a Prosecutor. This guy was named Hardly Dent. Dent took it to himself to become the best District Attorney in the history of Gotham, while he had a few issues of his own (seriously, this guy was a major collector of comics). This caused competition between him and Batman.

Burn baby burn

Burn baby burn! Harvey Dent getting burnt up.

However, the Joker came along and decided he wanted vengeance on Batman. He started to cause terror across Gotham, taking Batman's place and leading Batman to hate him even more. That was when Batman stalked Joker to his secret base and pummeled him there, leaving the police to find his body. (That sounds so wrong. He was still alive, don't worry.)

However, the Joker's riegn of terror wasn't done yet. He explained that he left Harvey Dent and Batman's lady-friend, Rachel, in a building near some bombs. Batman decided to go after Dent, and when saving Dent, Dent decided to role around in some gasoline just to get rid of the sweat smell on him. That didn't go very well later, as the building blew up and Hardly's face began to burn. (Oh and Rachel died too. Oh well.)

This eventually led Dent to go crazy, calling himself "Two-Face" like the total gangster he was and terrorize the people of Gotham. This again made Batman upset, since Dent quit the job he was supposed to have and decided to take Batman's place. (And Wayne wouldn't dare become Ace Attorney, now would he?)


According to the trust-worthy Hugo Strange, Bruce Wayne is a complete psychopath, bent on mugging those who steal but fall under great poverty just because one individual one killed both his parents after being total jerks. What further proves Bruce Wayne's insanity is that he dresses up as a bat, hoping on scaring people but actually only getting laughs. He strongly believes in justice on his accounts, but doesn't believe in killing people. (Paralyzing them is totally fine, though.)

Batman is also a self-centered jerk. As Hugo Strange once recorded, all Batman really thinks about is the following:

Justice. Justice. Justice. Justice. I'm Batman. Justice. I'm Batman, who brings justice. I'm Batman. Justice.

Taking account of such thoughts, one can clearly see the problems brought up with Batman. Oh, did I mention every tool he creates he adds the word "bat" to or is bat inspired?


Batman happens to have a lot of tools which he uses to torture his victims, but they're not all used for that. Some he uses for transportation and some he uses for detective work. (Why isn't he Pheonix Wright again?) Here's a list of his equipment.

  • Batmobile: a bat-inspired car he drives around with. (Are you convinced yet?)
  • Batarang: totally not close to being a boomerang Batman throws around to knock criminals over, cut ropes, and is one of his main weapons. (What does this have to do with the whole "bat" theme?)
  • Grappling hook: A weapon Batman uses for grabbing things which is actually not bat inspired. (Wow!) He also uses it to swing across buildings, copying Spider-Man in every way. (Spider-Man even has a Spider-Mobile! This guy is totally ripping off of Marvel!)
  • Bat-Belt: a belt-shaped belt that carries around Batman's gadgets.
  • Bat-Phone: Batman's cellphone he uses to contact the police and to be tracked.
  • Bat-Suit: Batman's suit is the only sane thing about his arsenal (surprisingly), equipped with a cape that can stiffen to become like Batwings, has more resistance to bullets and punches, and allows him to get hit heavily and survive.


  • Batman, surprisingly, is afraid of bats.
  • Batman likes his name too much.
  • Batman is Batman, obviously.